How to Ignite a Group of Women
In all of my years working in women’s empowerment, I have found there are three topics which need to be approached with the upmost caution.
The need for sensistivity only applies in a conversation between women. Men can discuss any of these topics at will, boisterously giving their opinion on what needs to be done, who is right, and who has made the wrong decision. As a man converses on these topics, a woman can listen and give her thoughts, along with the pros and cons, and have a lively conversation. But, if the conversation is with one woman to another, it is a different story.
Bringing up one of these topics and gingerly walking out of a room is akin to watching the cartoon characters Tom & Jerry playing hot potato with a bomb. No matter how gently the topic is addressed, women’s deep seated hurt feelings will be unearthed and the pain behind them will surface, including the ever-so-difficult emotions of guilt and shame.
These three topics are flexibility with work schedule, caretaking responsibilities, and attraction — physical, psychological, emotional, etc. To summarize, conversations about flexibility, caretaking, and attraction must be delicately addressed.
When one of these three topics arise, women will silently judge the other women in the room and decide who will side with her on the unfortunate topic which has surfaced. If she finds she is alone in her feelings and opinions, as the tension mounts in the room, the stress will activate a woman’s fight or flight response. At this point, the women who have not left the room because of their flight response may have mentally chosen to exit the conversation.
Those women who continue to converse may react to stress ready to fight. As the conversation begins, these women’s different communication styles come to light, ranging from director to expresser to thinker to analyzer. While the topics of flexibility, caretaking, and attraction are addressed in further detail, beware that a firestorm has been ignited. Normal listening etiquette may not apply as the curtain is pulled back on these challenges which really stem from gender inequality.
By bringing up these topics, if the women in the room are not careful, their relationships with eachother will be forever altered. Yet, by acknowledging to themself how these topics are hard to discuss and doing the internal work to address their feelings, they can make these conversations easier. While pushing back the curtain and looking at the situation from another perspective, women can courageously voice their opinion and advocate for other women.
In a professional setting men, try as they may, can only do so much. These topics and their solutions need the perspective of multiple females. It is why women must be in rooms where decisions are being made. Yet, more women will only be sitting at the table crafting solutions and making decisions if space is made for all. As women gently pull back the curtain, remember to trod gently. By doing so, the needed work to move women forward professionally can be done.
More about this topic can be found in my book published by New Degree Press, Surrounded by Awesome Women: Unlocking a New Model of Women’s Success in Business and Entrepreneurship for the Next Decade. Want to bring these topics to light in your workplace or your community? Reach out and let’s begin the conversation.
